oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
