I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
