to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize