We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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