dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
