Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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