man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
