This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
