i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
