If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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