there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
