After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
