took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
