DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
