You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
