So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
