i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
