i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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