Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i will never coherently bang her
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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