The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
