I'm lost and stupid without you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
