I think I am morally bankrupt
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
