Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize