Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
