i would punch a child for taco bell
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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