her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
