1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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