what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
