I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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