THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
