I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
