OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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