A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are two peas in an std pod
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
