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• (312): View more from Illinois

  he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you mean his girlfriend

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.

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