I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
