When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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