Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
