Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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