I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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