There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
