I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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