somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
