shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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