Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
