I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
