I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
