you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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