i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
