i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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