this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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