im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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