We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
