angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
