I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
