I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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