ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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