I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize