i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
