Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
