Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
