I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just invented taco cereal.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
