i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize