sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize